: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
