..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
