theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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