but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
whose parrot is this?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
