I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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