I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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