When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize