he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
