cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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