Can Purell be used as lube?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
