But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
