Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
