oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
