I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
