watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
