i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
