He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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