you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
