I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
