People in love make me want to vomit
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
