Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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