hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
