Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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