gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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