i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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