Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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