I showed him my bush... on skype.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
