he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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