your thong is hanging out like whoa
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
