wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
