Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
