Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
