Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You're like the curious george of whores
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
