Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Please don't give away my fajitas
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