I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
