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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
