Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
