Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
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Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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