my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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