oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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