The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
