i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
