I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
