finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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