i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
