This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
