She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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