the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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