I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
