I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Two words: blizzard sex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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