Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my fart just growled at me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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