She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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