I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
