whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
