How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
