This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
