Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
