Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
