he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
