Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
