girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
