The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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