so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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