I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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