that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
