I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How does one acquire holy water?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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