I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
