You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wear drunk well.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
