U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
