He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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