My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
