If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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