I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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