phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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