Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
